If I want to be successful at weight loss...
....Then I have to not only understand but actively seek to strengthen my body and my mind. I have the horrible habits of procrastination and self denial. I will put off what I need to do and then make up excuses as to why the my weight will not go down. I had to sit down with myself and really map out what I am doing wrong and where I have gone off track. So I am posting this to keep myself accountable for my behaviors.
My first issue is - I have gotten so far of track with my exercise and fitness. I knew as I lost weight that I was going to have to up my intensity and frequency of exercise. I have not done that. Looking back, I realize that I became complacent about working out and I forgot the real reason that I was doing this. I do not want to be thin...I want to be fit, healthy and active. I signed up for Planet Fitness because it was inexpensive and I had planned on using their training classes. Unfortunately the one near me lost their fitness instructor so I stopped going. I had convinced myself that walking was all tat I needed when deep down I knew better. I hesitated to go to another gym, partly, because I knew I would have to pay more. But the real reason was that that inner fat girl does not want to work out. I cannot listen to her...she hates change and activity. After reviewing some past journal entries, I realized that I also needed to be challenged by a workout AND I kind of need someone their to kick me in the but when I feel like laying down and reading a book instead. So... I took the plunge and signed up (and paid for so this extreme cheapskate won't back out ) 3 months of boot camp classes 3 days a week. I start Monday and I am mostly excited because I miss the fitter me. But I am also nervous because I don't want to know how far I have fallen out of shape. But denial has never given me anything but extra weight so it's time to get it together.
My second issue is the self-denial that got me close to 400lbs to begin with. When I used to look in the mirror, I thought that I did not look too big as long as I did not look at my legs or my behind. That little bit of self-denial saw me through weight gains and every health issue I had initially. I did not realize how deep that denial was rooted until I too my first full body before/after shot four months after surgery. That picture blew me away. I stared at the picture for a full five minutes. I was devastated by how big I used to be and how I never saw my size. I realized then and there how I had lied to myself for a decade. Now I recognize the self-denial but not always when it is happening. I saw this post the other day that said, You get what you work for, not what you wish for. That really struck me and made me realize and admit to myself that I've been half-assing it for the last 3 months. So I pulled out my Bariatric book and read it from cover to cover and realized the little things that I stopped doing are what's stopping my progress. I have no problems with water, vitamins or protein. However, I cannot do "everything in moderation" because it messes with mental hunger. I have a borderline binge mentality once I eat a chip or piece of candy. I know my binge issues are from my childhood when we did not have enough food. My mom worked as many jobs as she could but there was always a lack of funds and we ran out of food by the middle of the month. So when the first came around, I would binge because I knew I would have to go hungry again. This was an endless cycle for years and gradually I gained more and more weight. Toss in some questionable and dangerous fad diets and it is no wonder how I got so big and messed up my body.
Solutions going forward are that I have to measure my portions or I'll overeat. I have to prep my meals ahead of time to stay on track. I have to plan out my week with set meals and snacks. I also have to be honest with myself with how much I am going to cook for prep and have ready to go healthy meals on those quirky days when I want something different. They are not options but rules I need to follow. I also need to focus on my strengths and weaknesses and accept that I cannot base my eating habits on anyone else's success and failures. Most important, I need to get away from trying to fit in with what is "normal." I was not normal before surgery and I need to stop trying to be normal now. I revel in my uniqueness is every aspect of my life and that has to include my eating habits. I am doing a 3 day cleanse, starting today, to help my body get back on track. I spent the holiday with a screaming migraine. I haven't had one that bad since before I had WLS and I realize that my crappy eating behaviors are most likely to blame. I am not going back to that....I refuse. I know better now. My self-denial may put up roadblock but I am never going to live in it like I did before WLS. After the cleanse, I will be on a soft food diet for 3 days. I don't want to cleanse and then treat my system harshly. I will succeed at this...it may take me some time but I have nothing to lose but pounds and inches. #Youonlyfailifyouquit
My first issue is - I have gotten so far of track with my exercise and fitness. I knew as I lost weight that I was going to have to up my intensity and frequency of exercise. I have not done that. Looking back, I realize that I became complacent about working out and I forgot the real reason that I was doing this. I do not want to be thin...I want to be fit, healthy and active. I signed up for Planet Fitness because it was inexpensive and I had planned on using their training classes. Unfortunately the one near me lost their fitness instructor so I stopped going. I had convinced myself that walking was all tat I needed when deep down I knew better. I hesitated to go to another gym, partly, because I knew I would have to pay more. But the real reason was that that inner fat girl does not want to work out. I cannot listen to her...she hates change and activity. After reviewing some past journal entries, I realized that I also needed to be challenged by a workout AND I kind of need someone their to kick me in the but when I feel like laying down and reading a book instead. So... I took the plunge and signed up (and paid for so this extreme cheapskate won't back out ) 3 months of boot camp classes 3 days a week. I start Monday and I am mostly excited because I miss the fitter me. But I am also nervous because I don't want to know how far I have fallen out of shape. But denial has never given me anything but extra weight so it's time to get it together.
My second issue is the self-denial that got me close to 400lbs to begin with. When I used to look in the mirror, I thought that I did not look too big as long as I did not look at my legs or my behind. That little bit of self-denial saw me through weight gains and every health issue I had initially. I did not realize how deep that denial was rooted until I too my first full body before/after shot four months after surgery. That picture blew me away. I stared at the picture for a full five minutes. I was devastated by how big I used to be and how I never saw my size. I realized then and there how I had lied to myself for a decade. Now I recognize the self-denial but not always when it is happening. I saw this post the other day that said, You get what you work for, not what you wish for. That really struck me and made me realize and admit to myself that I've been half-assing it for the last 3 months. So I pulled out my Bariatric book and read it from cover to cover and realized the little things that I stopped doing are what's stopping my progress. I have no problems with water, vitamins or protein. However, I cannot do "everything in moderation" because it messes with mental hunger. I have a borderline binge mentality once I eat a chip or piece of candy. I know my binge issues are from my childhood when we did not have enough food. My mom worked as many jobs as she could but there was always a lack of funds and we ran out of food by the middle of the month. So when the first came around, I would binge because I knew I would have to go hungry again. This was an endless cycle for years and gradually I gained more and more weight. Toss in some questionable and dangerous fad diets and it is no wonder how I got so big and messed up my body.
Solutions going forward are that I have to measure my portions or I'll overeat. I have to prep my meals ahead of time to stay on track. I have to plan out my week with set meals and snacks. I also have to be honest with myself with how much I am going to cook for prep and have ready to go healthy meals on those quirky days when I want something different. They are not options but rules I need to follow. I also need to focus on my strengths and weaknesses and accept that I cannot base my eating habits on anyone else's success and failures. Most important, I need to get away from trying to fit in with what is "normal." I was not normal before surgery and I need to stop trying to be normal now. I revel in my uniqueness is every aspect of my life and that has to include my eating habits. I am doing a 3 day cleanse, starting today, to help my body get back on track. I spent the holiday with a screaming migraine. I haven't had one that bad since before I had WLS and I realize that my crappy eating behaviors are most likely to blame. I am not going back to that....I refuse. I know better now. My self-denial may put up roadblock but I am never going to live in it like I did before WLS. After the cleanse, I will be on a soft food diet for 3 days. I don't want to cleanse and then treat my system harshly. I will succeed at this...it may take me some time but I have nothing to lose but pounds and inches. #Youonlyfailifyouquit
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